Crumpet

i'm a self-employed graphic & web designer and a photoshop guru. i'm also a writer - mostly restaurant and nightlife reviews, a bit of travel, and occasional erotica.

i'm a chronic insomniac. i have more pretty underwear than any pudge girl that i know. i'm delighted by comic books, though i dont read enough of them. i'd move to a new country every year if i could. i'm oddly enthralled by shark week. i love poison lockets. i hate country music. i once cried watching the octopus episode of iron chef. i sometimes foresake IFC for TVLAND, but i dont like to admit it. i have an innate disdain for the whitewashed and palatable. i love the word "sentinel". i still find solace in the hundred acre wood (but not the disney-fied version). i hate marshmallow peeps. i love driving a stickshift. and many of my dreams involve my having wings.

things to consider when shopping for me...

i embrace the erotic and irreverent. if you have an idea for a project and suspect that it's probably too racy and might offend, it's probably right up my alley.

i suspect that i may, in fact, be a vortex of evil.

I went through a weird time in 2007 and left a couple of people hanging. My partners didn't rate me and it looks like they've deleted their accounts (or just not logged in for years), but in the event that I owe you something, ping me and I'll find a way to make it right. Try to forgive my wicked past... I was good at this for a while and I can be again - promise!

air, annie lennox, arcade fire, belly, bicycle thief, bjork, blonde redhead, collide, cowboy junkies, crystal method, curve, dj rap, dj skribble, ella fitzgerald, eva trout, fiona apple, garbage, goldfrapp, heather nova, indigo girls, joan osborne, liz phair, lovage, lush, massive attack, mazzy star, metric, moby, mono, morcheeba, muse, nine inch nails, paul oakenfold, peter gabriel, pixies, poe, portishead, prince, prodigy, puretone, radiohead, ramones, rancid, save ferris, sigur ros, sister soleil, thievery corporation, tricky, wild colonials, zero 7.

i'm into lots of electronica, so if you are a dj or happen to know one, i may already like you.

also - any torch singers of the jazz era. billie holiday, ella fitzgerald, dinah washington, sarah vaughan, etta james, nina simone, etc, etc. i LOVE this stuff. it always makes me feel like a sunday afternoon bubbe bath with the man i love.

NO COUNTRY. NO RELIGIOUS.

girl on the bridge, the pillow book, the usual suspects, mulholland drive, raise the red lantern, amateur, adaptation., run lola run, the nightmare before christmas, lost in translation, say anything, broadcast news, sabrina, requiem for a dream, somewhere in time, smilla's sense of snow, dancer in the dark, candyman, edward scissorhands, repo: the genetic opera, star wars, secretary, chung king express, amelie, buffalo 66, el laberinto del fauno.

overall, mostly foreign, indie, and horror movies.

family guy, futurama, daria, third rock, buffy, angel, supernatural, Improvaganza, battlestar galactica, boardwalk empire, dexter.

i'm also nursing addictions to the travel channel, the food network, IFC, AMC, the discovery channel, and HGTV.

i'm not a huge crafter. i occasionally crochet like a fiend though, and i love soft yarns, blankies, long scarves. i'm also a big fan of boxes and bottles, though i don't really make them myself.

in general, urban fairy tales are my favorites. i like the idea that something unnervingly magical lurks at the edge of ordinary society.

BOOKS: veronica, lolita, neverwhere, wicked: the life &; times of the wicked witch of the west, the princess bride, the tooth fairy, kiss me judas, stardust, beloved, neuromancer, griffin & sabine, peter pan, the contortionist's handbook, the original grimm's, gaiman's sandman, carter beats the devil, baum's oz, carroll's alice, arthurian legend.

AUTHORS: nicholas christopher, neil gaiman, gregory maguire, graham joyce, will christopher baer, toni morisson, nick bantock, the brothers grimm, JM barrie, craig clevenger.

PLAYWRIGHTS: shakespeare, albee.

*colors: red. metallics (esp w/jewel tones). black. sometimes purple or green. occasionally pink or royal blue. also love chocolate & pink or chocolate & teal. but mostly red. :)

*scents/flavors: cinnamon, honey, peanut butter, oatmeal, caramel (especially salted), TOFFEE, vanilla, chocolate, most baked goods. tea - especially green, cinnamon with milk & honey, or cherry. most fruits - especially cherry & other berries, but also tropical stuff like peach and mango.

i'm a lip gloss whore and manicure freak. my nails are natural and my favorite polishes are at the extremes of the spectrum: dark creamy reds, pale, frosty golds and pinks, glittery blues and greens, or shiny vinyl black. in general "medium" colors are boring. and i have a nice big roman tub, so bubble bath is great for me!

*online shopping: lush; sephora; benefit; kiyonna.com; lane bryant; earthlybody.com; urban decay; kissfix.com; pinup girl clothing; igigi.com; amazon; i frequent groupon and many other group buying "deal" sites.

*other stuff:

-LOVE burlesque dance and everything about the pinup girl look

-i'm a recovering goth queen. still love it (minus the modern day cheesy sparkly vampire thing), but now i've included steampunk, victoriana, and renaissance.

-international travel, languages, culture, etc.

-fairy tales and children's literature (especially dark fairy tales)

-body art (particularly painting or calligraphy on skin)

-wine (particularly red zins, shiraz, pinot)

-blindfolds, bondage, corsets, fetish photography, and other things that freak out your mom

-alleys, fire escapes, subways, and other evidence of urban culture

-asian culture: red & gold, silk, masks, calligraphy, cinema, art, kabuki, noh, language, fashion, etc.

-VILLAINS!!! darth vader, the wicked witch, maleficent, oogie boogie, and even the more realistic ones like keyser soze. "and now you see that evil will always triumph... because good is dumb."

christian stuff doesn't float my boat. i'm spiritual but non-religious, and i tend to align myself with buddhists and pagans more than anyone else.

also avoid: children, precious moments & other cutesy stuff like that, sports, licorice, things that melt in the summer (since i live in az), and bangle bracelets (which never fit over my big hands). ATCs don't really interest me either.

scents and flavors: please NO BANANA or PINA COLADA. florals are usually too heavy on me unless they're heavily blended with something above (ie, lavender vanilla is nice). i'm a big foodie, especially ethnic foods like indian, ethiopian, and thai, but i detest eggplant and cauliflower.

my only allergy in penicillin, but i doubt that'll come up.

greek zodiac: sun: gem, moon: cap, ascendant: sag.

chinese zodiac: tiger

meyers-briggs: XNFP (that's an even split between introvert and extrovert)

enneagram: this really depends on the day, but i tend to rank high in types 7 (epicure) and 8 (boss) - occasionally in 4 (romantic) as well.